Taking a break

Hi folks, I've decided to take a break from writing the shame healing leading to self-acceptance emails, at least for awhile. It has been a difficult decision for me to make. I plan to keep this list intact and plan to resume some writing related to the same topic in the rather near future. As I've said before, if you want to stop receiving these emails just reply and tell me to take your name off the list. Many of you have expressed your interest in, appreciation of, and encouragement for these emails and it's been very gratifying for me. Thank you for all of that. The blog containing many of messages will remain available and may or may not undergo some changes.
Peace,
Ken

www.kenlewiscounselor.net

295 - A coping and healing tool

We can take away some of the power of shame over our lives and our relationships simply by learning how to identify and name it. Sharing it with someone who is safe for you can help also.
Peace,
Ken

www.kenlewiscounselor.net

294 - Disidentification

You are not the voice of shame, you are the one who can be aware of the negative messages of the voice of shame and who can learn how to heal these feelings. Try responding to the voice of shame messages with as much compassion as you can muster. Our feelings, especially shame, have always and will always need compassion.
Peace,
Ken

www.kenlewiscounselor.net

293 - Support system

Develop a support system, however small, who knows there is nothing wrong with you except you were taught in many ways to believe that there was something wrong with you. Our "problem" is not who we are. The "problem" is the shame feelings that were instilled in us and the shaming thoughts that we were taught to believe. No blame.
Peace,
Ken

www.kenlewiscounselor.net

291 - When you feel shame you have likely assumed it was about you and that there was something wrong with you. Most of the shame we have internalized and carried through our lives has been a result of someone unconsciously transferring their unacknowledged shame onto us through various levels and tyypes of neglect and abuse and emotional/physical abandonment.
Peace,
Ken

Fwd: 291 - Healing shame by sharing

-----Original Message-----
From: "ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net" [ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net]
Date: 11/10/2009 21:27
To: ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net
Subject: Fwd: 292 - Healing shame by sharing

When we are sharing our feelings with someone and we are intending to heal those feelings, we need to stay engaged with ourselves and the other person in our telling. We also need the other person to stay engaged with us otherwise we will feel the need to repeat the telling over and over and over without feeling really received and heard.
Peace,
Ken
www.kenlewiscounselor.net

Fwd: 291 - Transferral of unacknowledged shame

-----Original Message-----
From: "ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net" [ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net]
Date: 11/10/2009 00:47
To: ken-lewis@kenlewiscounselor.net
When you feel shame you have likely assumed that the shame was about you and that there was something wrong with you. On the whole this is not the case. Most of the shame we have internalized and carried through our lives has been a result of someone unconsciously transferring their unacknowledged shame onto us through various forms of neglect and abuse and emotional/physical abandonment.
Peace,
Ken

www.kenlewiscounselor.net

290 - When feeling stuck

When you are feeling "stuck" or "uncomfortable" look inside and you will likely notice some unacknowledged shame. The stuckness will move and change if you can share the shame with a safe person.
Peace,
Ken

http://www.kenlewiscounselor.net

289 - Daily reading on shame

Five minutes of shame reading per day from the recommended book list on shame which can be found on my website is a great help in understanding and accepting shame and speeds up the healing process immeasurably. In a sense this reading provides a new "pair of glasses" with which to see the ubiquity of shame as it is woven throughout our lives.
Peace,
Ken

http://www.kenlewiscounselor.net

288 - Compassion

My favorite definition of compassion is "to suffer with". We have all needed compassion from our important others and also needed to have compassion for others as well as ourselves. We need each other in order to heal shame. No blame.
Peace,
Ken

http://www.kenlewiscounselor.net

287 - Shame is normal

We have been conditioned to feel ashamed of our shame and using the word can have a normalizing effect. It is important to make friends with our feelings of shame. I mean this in the sense that we need to feel our feelings in order to heal them. It is much easier to feel our feelings when they are met with understanding, acceptance and compassion, first from others then ourselves.
Peace,
Ken

http://www.kenlewiscounselor.net

286 - What is underneath the anger?

When we believe that the "problems" we have with another person are their fault, what we are doing is avoiding feeling our own shame/hurt by transferring the shame to the other by blaming them. No blame. The solution seems to be to allow ourselves to feel the shame/hurt under the anger. Blame destroys relationships and self-esteem.
Peace,
Ken

http://www.kenlewiscounselor.net