Sunday, May 31, 2009

185 - Part of the process of disidentifying

When you hear the voice of shame/conditioning speaking to you, it is very important for you to remember that what the voice is saying to you is based on self-hating conditioning. You were taught to believe it but it wasn't true and it isn't you. You are not the voice of shame/conditioning, you are the one who can be aware of the negative messages of the voice of shame and learn how to respond. This is a part of the important process of disidentifying from the old shame voices.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

184 - Mindfulness

I recommend making mindfulness a part of your daily practice. A great
introduction to mindfulness is The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Han.

I'm taking a few days off and will be back to these messages June 1. My hope is
that interested people will leave responses to the posts and to comments other
people have left creating an online healing shame community. Thank you.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

183 - A shame assumption.

When you feel shame you may commonly assume that it is about you, specifically
that it means there is something wrong with you. This is not true though we
do all sometimes make mistakes which are born out of our unacknowledged
shame. It just doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

182 - Feeling stuck?

When you feel stuck or uncomfortable try looking internally for the
unacknowledged shame. Then share the shame with someone in your support

Monday, May 18, 2009

181 - Shames' opposite.

The opposite of feeling shame is the feeling of support, reception and

Sunday, May 17, 2009

180 - Blame vs healing.

When we blame ourselves or others we are defending ourselves against feeling shame and it is a barrier to healing. We need to feel the shame in order to heal it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

179 - Ubiquity of shame

Shame is a powerful contributer to all kinds of problems including depression,
anxiety, relationship problems of all kinds, addictions, eating disorders,
bullying, all types of violence including sexual assault, suicide, and
conflicts on every level. It truly is ubiquitous though mostly outside of our

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

178 - Keeping a journal

Journaling can be helpful in healing shame. It is a way of externalizing
painful feelings and also can help in clarifying, processing and letting go of
the feelings.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

177 - One of the reasons to read shame material

I suggest reading shame materials, books etc. for five minutes a day. One
reason is it will heighten ones awareness of shame and the shaming messages we
have internalized over the years. This reading will also hasten the long
process of healing our internalized shame and self-hate.

Monday, May 11, 2009

176 - Sharing feelings successfully

When we share our feelings with someone we need to stay engaged with ourselves
and the other in our telling and we need the other to stay engaged with us
otherwise we will repeat the telling over and over and over without feeling
really received and heard.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

175 - Self-support

A way of supporting ourselves when we are feeling shame is to remember what
support felt like in our bodies when we felt supported with someone's
understanding, acceptance and compassion.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

174 - Voice of shame

When the voice you are hearing, whether internal or external, is speaking to
you without compassion and in critical and judgmental
terms please don't believe it. It is the voice of shame.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

173 - Neuroplasticity

Who we are today has developed and will continue to develop at the
intersection of our brains and the impact of our relationships on our brains.
This occurs every day of our lives for as long as we have had and will have
brains and relationships. Is how I am living today the way I would like my
brain to be impacted?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

172 - A coping tool.

During a shame attack one way of coping with it is to ask someone in your shame support system to relate to you their own experience with a shame attack with a similar trigger. It seems to reduce the intensity of the shame attack very quickly.

Monday, May 4, 2009

171 - Feelings bound in shame

Whenever a feeling, be it anger, sadness, fear, excitement etc., is met with a
shaming response by an important other, a feeling shame bind may result.
Later that feeling shame bind will inhibit or rule out expression of that
feeling. Often we then go into denial of the feeling and lose touch with much
of our feeling life. "I don't know what I feel" can become commonplace for us.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

170 - Acknowledging shame

In learning how to identify and acknowledge shame we can begin to take away some of its power over us and our relationships.