Peace,
Ken
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
255 - Variants of shame
Gershen Kaufman writes "Whenever we feel any of the following variants of shame it means we are feeling shame. Shyness, embarassment, chagrin, humiliation, guilt, low self-esteem, feeling ridiculous, sheepishness, discomfort, disconcertedness, abasement, disgrace, ignominy, dishonor, mortification, degradation, self-consciousness, disappointment, discouragement, feeling "lousy" or "funny".
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Oh man, does this mean that my 2 year old son's shyness is shame based? Did I do something to induce shame in him? Crap! I'm feeling a bit paniced that I am responsible for it! Oh Dear.
ReplyDeleteAlthough shyness contains shame, shyness seems also to be a quality that one can be born with to some degree. Being in a healing process yourself is the best thing you can do for your son's self-acceptance. Also remember that shame is a quite normal and necessary emotion. Where kids get into trouble is when we make no attempt to repair the rupture that occurs when we unwittingly shame them.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger I was shy. Today when I feel shy it is sometimes just because I am in with new people, and if I give myself enough time and Patience,(my shame work) I will be able to allow myself to stumble into the group, experimenting to see if I can connect anywhere.
ReplyDeleteNice. Thanks.
ReplyDelete