In learning how to identify and acknowledge shame out loud we begin to take
away some of its power. We can learn how to identify more of the shame in our
lives and in others by reading shame materials five minutes a day and talking
about it with others with a similar interest.
Ken
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
147 - When hurt--
When you feel hurt by what somebody says to you, remember their message is
about their selves and their unacknowledged feelings including shame, it is
not necessarily about you. Naming the shame allows it to move.
Ken
about their selves and their unacknowledged feelings including shame, it is
not necessarily about you. Naming the shame allows it to move.
Ken
Thursday, March 26, 2009
146 - Criticism is a signal
Feeling critical towards ourselves or others is likely a sign that our shame
has been triggered. We are not to blame and neither are they. We remain
responsible for ourselves, our behavior, our words, our feelings, our shame.
Ken
has been triggered. We are not to blame and neither are they. We remain
responsible for ourselves, our behavior, our words, our feelings, our shame.
Ken
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
145 - Shame empathy/contagion
When we are in shame filled environments, this includes people with the
defense of shamelessness, we will empathically feel shame/shamed. Typically
we have imagined this meant there was something wrong with us. We then blamed
ourselves and/or others to no avail. Acknowledging, naming and sharing can help.
Ken
defense of shamelessness, we will empathically feel shame/shamed. Typically
we have imagined this meant there was something wrong with us. We then blamed
ourselves and/or others to no avail. Acknowledging, naming and sharing can help.
Ken
Monday, March 23, 2009
144 - Shame article
If you haven't read the shame article on my web site for a while I encourage
you to do so. Not much has changed with the article but it seems to help
people be more grounded in the big picture. Site address is kenlewiscounselor.net
Ken
you to do so. Not much has changed with the article but it seems to help
people be more grounded in the big picture. Site address is kenlewiscounselor.net
Ken
143 - Responsibility vs blame
Many years ago I heard a man say that "Responsibility essentially means
response ability or the ability to respond". I had thought it meant that "it"
was my fault and I would blame myself or the other person etc.. Blaming
ourselves or others is one of the functions of shame, is always a tip that
shame is operating, and it is a barrier to our "ability to respond" and a
barrier to healing shame.
Ken
response ability or the ability to respond". I had thought it meant that "it"
was my fault and I would blame myself or the other person etc.. Blaming
ourselves or others is one of the functions of shame, is always a tip that
shame is operating, and it is a barrier to our "ability to respond" and a
barrier to healing shame.
Ken
Thursday, March 19, 2009
142 - Stepping toward more freedom
It is likely that the major portion of shame in our lives is unacknowledged,
internalized, carried shame. Every new piece we discover and share is a step
toward more freedom.
Ken
internalized, carried shame. Every new piece we discover and share is a step
toward more freedom.
Ken
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